Anxiety Has Taken Over

Well here we are again; another year has come and gone since my last log. It’s amazing what has changed since then and what I did not accomplish even though I said I planned too. For me 2019 was full of anxiety and stress. Most of it I brought onto myself.

In Feb, I started working part time for an event planning company that at first was great and full of promise. This actually seemed like something I could do in my spare time once I got my real estate license (still working on by the way). However, the company went south fairly quickly due to circumstances beyond the owners control. In fact I, to my knowledge, am still employed with this company but I haven’t heard from the owner regarding the 2020 plans and we are less than 3 days away from the new year. This is very disheartening because I put a lot of time and effort into helping this company be successful with very little pay (1099 Employee). This added to the stress of my year and took valuable time away from my family. If there are no plans in 2020 then I would not be disappointed.

My fulltime job was just as filled with stress and anxiety up until this week; yes of all weeks the week of Christmas AND my week off. Our company does not hinge on Christmas to make sales so the anxiety and stress came from within the organization. Working with employees who have had little to no direction, lack motivation, and are at times insubordinate are just a few of the long list of problems the company as a whole faces. I understand that all companies have their ups and downs but there is usually a plan in place to get back on track. This train derailed a long time ago and has taken the tracks with it. However, we are getting on a new track with a new train (new manager) and so far it is a slow painful process for some but good overall. I just have to remember that there is goal in what is planned ahead and understand that some might not be around to see the outcome. I am all for that since it can’t get any worse.

Since my part time job stalled toward the summer, I signed on with a pet sitting company. I absolutely loved it and made decent money. However, this too became demanding and draining. I put another stressor on myself and my family. In Nov. I had to quit. I may go back to it in the summer but as of now that seems unlikely.

So with all this being said, I took out all but the stress of my full time job out of my life but I am still feeling anxious. Yesterday I had an anxiety attack that lasted almost all day. I am not sure where this is coming from but I believe it is my need to stay busy all the time. I stopped studying for my real estate license because I got scared. I stopped working on my succulent business because I became overwhelmed. I think part of it is lack of support from anyone. If you ever waited to clean your room for days because you did not know where to start, or avoided social situations, or made up excuses to not do the passionate things you love then you might have an anxiety disorder. It took me 3 hours yesterday to clean up my room and it was not even that dirty. I would rather sleep and stay home then to deal with getting out. I planned a wine tasting at my house at the beginning of Fall and canceled last minute because I had an overwhelming response of how many people were going to attend. When I let my anxiety take over, I get so disappointed in myself that it starts the cycle all over again. That is when I realized that this has not been just something I have been dealing with this week but all year long. Today I take my life back. Blogging this really helped me realize how much this has impacted my life this year and I have had enough. I know that these episodes will come and go but I now have the tools in place to take me back to my normal self. I cannot wait for 2020.

Thank you again for reading. This will be one of my tools so expect to see more blog entries from me in the future! I appreciate all of your support!


Football is Over

The good thing about a blog is that you can update however often you like. Downfall is spending money and not utilizing it. Oh well; Once Fall hits I am nonexistent and football is mostly to blame. I am a die hard Dallas Cowboys fan and honestly wasn’t expecting them to take it to the post season this year. I even put off taking my Christmas decorations down because I had to watch every game to see who our next opponent was. Football takes up a lot of time. It’s by far my favorite past times and every minute spent for me anyways, is not a waste.

So here we are; post season and my team is done for the year. I am also a KC fan due to Mahomes coming from Texas Tech but I won’t rearrange my entire weekend for him like I do my Cowboys. Maybe if he continues to go on and do great things but for now he’s got to earn the right for me to do that. With all that being said, I now have free time on my hands once again. Man Aug seemed like it was ages ago but time sure does fly when you are having fun.

So other than football, what else have I been doing? Good question! I scrapped the virtual assistant gig for now. I was having a hard time keeping up and working full time. Once I finish getting my real estate license, I can start the VA business back up again as a back. Yes I have taken my sweet time getting my license. I have 4 books left a book test to schedule and study for. I am and always will be the world’s worst procrastinator. I however do thrive off getting my obligations done last minute but I am constantly stressed and have no one to blame but myself. I even stressed getting my blog updated but kept putting it off because, well I have no idea why.

My succulent business has gained traction but is currently at a standstill. This too is something that I haven’t put much effort into since Nov because I got busy. However I plan on starting it up again and even have repeat customers. It is getting harder to sell though because I love them all and don’t want to just give them to anyone. I just need to start fresh.

We did some traveling the last part of the year. We went home in Aug to visit family. My husband and I went to FL at the end of Oct for a get away trip. My son and I went back home for Christmas and stayed 5 days (longest I’ve stayed) to make sure we saw everyone. My dad came to visit twice in Oct; at the beginning of Oct. for a Cowboy game and at the end of Oct to be with my stepmom who watched the kids while we were in FL. I am now trying to plan a family vacation in Aug for ALL the family (that’s about 9 families total) and I am already needing a vacation!

Lastly, Fall and winter is just a busy time for everyone. My husband’s birthday is in Aug. Mine and my son’s is in Oct. My daughter’s is in Dec. Then you sprinkle all the holidays and events that go on this time of year and before you know 3 months of your life has flown by.

So there it is. A quick update from me and more to come more often. I am currently restricting or watching how often I am on social media because my house now needs some love and attention. I will find more time though to update my blog even if no one reads it. This is a journal for me really but I welcome all those that do take the time to read! Thank you!




Meet the Family

Today I decided to introduce my fur family. I thought I would introduce my cats first. They are easier to photograph and well they are just too adorable not to share. Our house is a circus made up of two teens, two working parents, three onaray but adorable kitties, and our senior puppy. We have a theme for naming our cats. The all start with L’s. Next set (yes there will always be more cats) will all start with M’s and so on.  Important note: All our cats are rescues. It is very important to me and my family that we rescue our beloved cats.

First up: Lennox is the oldest one at 6 years old. He had a hard first six months of his life. We got him for my husband’s birthday. Our cat K.C. (Stood for Kitty Cat named by my daughter) died on Father’s Day in 2012 at 11 yrs old. My mother got me K.C. for my 21st birthday but this cat ended up choosing my husband as his human. So when he died we, especially my husband, had a hard time. So I thought it would be a good idea to get another kitty for him and us to love on as much as we did K.C. Lennox had just been surrendered that morning by his first family who also rescued him from the Denton Animal Shelter a few months prior. They returned him because their daughter was going away for college. When I saw him I just knew he was meant to be ours. He ended up being free because the shelter was over capacity and they knew it was my husband’s birthday present. Once we got him home we discovered that he was covered in fleas. Now we know he was only at the shelter for a couple of hours before we adopted him so he had to have been brought in that way. I felt terrible. Then three days after we rescued him, he started to get really ill and not eat. We took him to the vet where they kept him overnight. Come to find out he had a long piece of weather stripping in his stomach causing an obstruction to his bowels. He threw up most of it but ended up having surgery to get out the rest. What we concluded is that his previous owners had left him outside most of the time where he got the weather stripping and likely not fed on a schedule. He is to this day terrified of thunderstorms and I believe it is because he was left outside all the time. It makes me sick to think of what he went through and how he was treated. It has taken years for him to come out of his shell and be a sweet loving cat. He was very aggressive and scared for the longest time. He didn’t know how to play and bites at the hands when he feel threaten. We’ve worked hard to get him to calm down and become the sweetest lap cat I know.

baby lennox

Next up: Lola is the middle cat at 5 yrs old. She is exactly a year younger than Lennox. She is a special breed of cat called a Turkish Van that we rescued. We got her because we felt like Lennox needed a friend. When we rescued Lennox, we had another cat named Ebony. She was my dad’s cat. He wanted me to have her because he and my stepmom were collecting too many animals (they love cats and dogs as much as our family does) and when I went back to visit them she was my cat. She was a sweet tiny all black cat with a feisty side. We had her for a couple of years but decided that she needed to go back to my dad because she wasn’t adjusting well. She was an outside cat and where I live she wouldn’t have lasted a week outside since we live where nature also lives. So Lennox was all alone. I found Lola on Pet Finder. She was at her foster parents house with her brother. Her and her brother were locked up in a room all day from what I could tell. The lady was very sweet but also elderly. You could tell she loved her pets and fosters. Once we took Lola home, we fell right in love with her. The very next day I got a phone call from the lady who fostered her. She wanted her back and offered to pay double. I politely declined and said that she is already apart of our family. I was a little shocked but felt bad for her at the same time. I ended up calling the Denton Animal Shelter to let them know what happened since that is who she was fostering for. I did not want to do that but there are rules in fostering and if not followed 100%, then fostering might be the best choice. Lola has grown up to be one of the best cats we’ve owned. She is super smart, acts like a dog at time and has essentially became my daughter’s therapy cat. They have a unique bond that only exist between them.

Sweet Lola

Lastly: Lilah, who is the youngest at two years, is short for Delilah. Since I loved the name so much, I compromised and decided we would call her Lilah for short to stick to the all L names tradition. Lilah was purely an impulse buy. We saw her at Pet Smart and the kids spent an hour convincing us to get her. She at the time was only 2 months old and the softest and sweetest kitten. She plays all of the time and has chosen my son as his human. She sleeps with him every night and hangs out with him in his room throughout the day. She licks noses, purrs constantly, and is my sweet princess. She out of the three is my baby and even though she chose my son, is my cat as well. She has fun, loves to be petted except when she does not want to be, and gets along with all the animals. Lola thought at first that was her kitten by cleaning her, playing with her and protecting her from Lennox. It has been a great experience watching all three adjust to each other and coexist. She is by far the most spoiled and she knows it. Since she is still young, she has yet to show her true personality. She is also very tiny but fluffy (she’s the black and white cat featured in the first blog). I am so glad we decided to rescue her.

Lilah 2
Princess Lilah

Well that is all of the brats, I mean cats, back stories and how we got so lucky to love them. I will always support rescues and highly encourage everyone consider adopting. Next week will feature Cujo, our sheltie.

Till next time!

happy planner, me time

Time for Everything

It is amazing how a week goes by at lightening speed sometimes. I have had every intention on updating my blog this week and well here we are; it is Sunday. I did mange to find time to update my welcome page (YAY for small victories!) and I jotted down topics for blogs which I cannot wait to write about. However, I had planned on doing more. As I mentioned in my first blog, I am busy ALL THE TIME. This is however by choice as I cannot sit still for just one moment. I am working on getting better about scheduling my days out -Thank you Happy Planner!- but even when I do, I run out of time and don’t accomplish all my to-dos. Believe it or not these small task keep me up at night when I do not check or cross them off my long laundry list of responsibilities that majority of the time I put on myself. No one tells me I have to finish the list. No one tells me I will be reprimanded if I leave one or two unchecked. No one but me.

With all that being said, I have had to start also scheduling time for just myself outside my Happy Planner. So that is what I did today. Nothing else matters but me right now. I hate feeling obligated to complete list and task when A. Nobody notices and B. when I am the only one I feel benefits from it. So I have to make sure that I make time for me because at this moment I am the most important person to myself.

In the upcoming weeks, I plan on updating more frequently and really get in the habit of taking time out for me. It’s hard when you have a family who depends on you all the time for almost everything but I know this is something I have to do. If I do not, things will be miserable for everyone.

Until next time!